This is a really tough job. I don't think people realize the enormity of the requirements. This is not a cabbage patch kid that needs a little attention. This is a difficult and emotionally deafening job.
This job is different that your average parent. It is similar I believe in some aspects to adoption.. For me it was really different. Remember my step-daughter was MIA. So I don't have the "authority" of her father to fall on. It was basically like throwing a dime into a ball pit and saying.. "OK find it and figure it out". It really is that hard.
My other two children.. the "mine" of the children factor seemed easier to somehow relate to. It was like there is some de facto similarity gene or something. That gene was definitely not present with my step-daughter. If anything there was a de facto "get the hell of way from me lady" gene in her. At least that is how I felt.
Was I really going to be able to get over this awkward existence and find common ground with a child no one in our family knows? Can I get past my selfish nature to nurture her? More importantly was I going to be able to deal with her mother?
I was afraid that the feelings that were beginning to surface in me could be the ultimate betrayal of my emotional stability. I may never recover from this change. Was I broken forever?
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